I came back home. This was the day I had long awaited. Why did it seem unusual? I was there, standing in my own country, freely talking in my language, but it was not the same. Not only my friends and my family were different, but I was as well. Knowing the change in myself, I was still surprised. Maybe time changed people.
Home sweet home is there. After a long time, I was able to get back to what I used to do: reading and enjoying my mom’s home-made food every day. Despite all the amazing meals I had in America, my mother’s white rice, chicken soup and fried spinach with fish sauce were still the best. One time, my mother tried to make some mashed potatoes and gravy, because she thought I would be familiar with them, somehow. It was not one of her best, but the taste of a family’s meal, the care of my mother, and the cozy atmosphere made the meal wonderful.
Sometimes, I could sit around the kitchen, hear the television, and watch my mother prepare diner while she asked me this and that. It felt so warm inside. I was astonished at these little normal things that I had never acknowledged. Before, I had only rushed home because of a time-conflict with my favorite television show and avoided helping with housework. Now, I drove my mother home every time I could, and saved as much time as possible to be around my house, around my family. I sensed my mother’s aging and felt so much responsibility. Was I different than the old me, or had I just grown up?
As time passed, there were a lot of alterations in life. Not long after I had left, Vietnam started to use coins and new paper money which looked a lot like Euro. The value of paper money became larger, and the price was changed dramatically. Once, I went out to the market for food. The price was a huge shock to me. I did not know when I should bargain, when I should not. I came back with full ingredients but with a double price than normal. When I came home, my father just busted into laughter, and my brother even told me “good job.” My mother comforted me and “asked” me not to help anymore. It was a strange feeling since I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. But I found it was exciting to learn the news from the old things. Time transformed things, little by little.
Among all of changes, sight-seeing was the most significant. House after house were built and corporate buildings emerged. There were no place for natural scenes anymore. Before I left, I used to play around a small land close to my house. There were all my childhood friends including the kid next door, the sister's neighbor, the classmates, and the wind, the land. It was my precious memories of “home.” Now, the land was still there, just as a new house was placed over that, covered most of the land and blocked the range of the wind. I felt surprised for a moment and the rest was depressed. There would be no more long-nights-of-cricket’s voices, no more discover of the natural’s wonders. And there would be no place for the kite to play with the wind. Still, it remained the paradise I dreamed of.
Coming home, wishing I can be a little girl again, my parents did not think so. Time to time, I was treated as an acquaintance guest more than a daughter. We had a lot of fun time, but a moment or two, it was odd. I was the youngest daughter so my voice had never opposed anyone. Now, if something happened, my parents would ask for my opinions. It made me feel like a kid for a time since my parents asked too many questions. But for other times, I just felt so proud because my parents had admitted me as an adult.
To be able to identify as an adult was good. I did not have to set up table before diner, clean dishes after the meal, or wash clothes during the weekend. Also, I found more pressure and responsibility. For example, finding a job with me the year before as consided impossible and undisputed. Last summer, my mother even encouraged me to find a part-time job. I learned how to manage, to save my own salary the first time and to make the most of the job.
Not only that, my parents even changed their habits just because I was home. It was a radical improvement for them. Normally, my father did not go home before 10 p.m. even in the weekend. Since I came back, he got home earlier and spent more time at home with family. I did not think it was a bad idea. But eventually, I did not know how to interact with my father, so I avoided going home early. I like my father, unless he talked about my education. It was pressure for me to face him about my future which I was not sure. The way he talked so straight forward was hurtful. Maybe I grew up to be apart and independent from my parents. Even though I missed them a lot, I would never allow myself to bring up that idea. So now, it was like I ran away from the home again. I love to be at home and not to be at home at the same time. I felt like check-in to my own home.
So, where would you be if you were not at home or being alone? You would be together with friends or doing some things with friends, right? That was when all the fun began. My friends could talk non-stop, all day long, about different types of MP3s, cell phones, laptops or any other significant electronic devices. A few first times, I was amazed how much they know about this stuff; now it was kind of boring. I felt lost in their conversation, not only because some new terms that they had, but also the topic they discussed. Did my friends change, or did I become a visitor from time to time?
Since it was a little hard for me to adopt the news, I felt comfortable to be with the past. I love to gather around with friends at my old school. That feeling was so fresh, so new that I couldn’t describe it. The old school still lingered, the class was still full of secrets signs from here to there, and still were our dear teachers. Time showed in their faces, in their white hair, but nothing can change the love they had for us. I had grown up a lot, but in front of them, I felt like the small girl on the first day of class.
Through all these old places, I learned some of the popular latest shop. Passing by the old street with the new name, I hardly heard any familiar songs. But in the end, no matter how much time had passed, it was still an amazing time to talk about the past with your friends – the topic which would never be old and always filled me with more memories. I could be a stranger with some new members, but with my old friends, I was part of their beloved memories. Especially, it was fun to be able to introduce myself in front of the people who already know me well.
After nine months, I could not wait to go back. But the moment I was there, I felt like something had been changed. I was changed by my new life in America. My friends were changed by continuing life in Vietnam. Some changes were good; some changes were bad. Some reminded me the past; some made me older. I was glad I could experience this feeling. The feeling ensured me about the future. No matter what I would do, no matter whom I would become, no matter how changed my country would be, there will always a “home” for me to come back to for pleasure and for determining the new things in the old place.
